I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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