You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
