You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
