This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
