Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
