No, you can still breathe under the balls.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
