So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
