guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
