How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
