i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
