Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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