i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
