Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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