Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Four minutes until I can fart!
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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