also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
