I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
The best revenge is premature balding
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
