My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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