It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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