I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
