Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
