I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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