Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
