dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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