i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
