where does the pee come out of this thing
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
