Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
