I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
