Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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