I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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