great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
