whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
