theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
