I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
