ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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