I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I am one with the molecules
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
