I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
