She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
