Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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