I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
