chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
She even gives head with a lisp.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
