So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
