I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
