Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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