I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
