Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
