so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
