Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Randomize
