I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Randomize
