I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Congratulations! We have a period
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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