She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I would ride that face into the sunset
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
