Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
