You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Sext me about skeletons
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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