4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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