There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
