Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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