are you still at the devil's house?
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
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